Five Gifts

I spent five days in the state of New York this week.  I got back really late Tuesday (really early Wednesday) and I have been meaning to write about the experience since then.  By my count this is the sixth time I have flown somewhere since moving into my apartment fifteen months ago.  Four (count them!) times to Seattle (freedom festival in May, Corey and Isaacs wedding in August - which included a trip within a trip to Victoria BC, Christmas, and my parent's 40th anniversary in March).  Additionally I flew to Boston in September for a funeral.  I also took a road trip to Big Sur in June.  Whew.  I'm sort of exhausted just thinking about it.

Those are my best friends from college.  I really love those bitches.  The last time I saw them all was in September in Boston.  So not under the best circumstances.  We have known each other for ten years, which is pretty fucking awesome, and we all agreed that it was time to meet up for a not-sad, not-wedding reason (not that there's anything wrong with weddings, but it's difficult for the wedder to get down).  So we did!  At that sassy girl with the arm's family cabin in upstate New York.  We had a really lovely time.  We drank wine and ate food and hiked and caught up and went swimming (skinny dipping in some cases).  We revealed painful truths and cried and had a lovefest.  It was like Sex in the City meets The Witches of Eastwick but with more girls, less sex (zero, actually) and more fun.

I've been through some tough shit with those girls.  Seeing them, I remembered why we became such good friends in the first place.  They get me in a way that other people down.  They have five hands in the formation of now-me.  And they understand me, in ways other people never could, by virtue of the trials we've passed together.  We are all facing the same frustrations and obstacles now.  They are like five mirrors reflecting back at me, revealing different sides of myself.  I don't always like the things I see in the mirror (literally and figuratively), but seen through the prism of my lovely friends those things get scaled down to their proper size: miniscule.

So often lately I feel like an outsider.  A loner.  That's okay.  I'm trying to embrace my introvert, and to be okay with loneliness although it's not my first choice.  But seeing those ladies reminded me that I do have a very deep community.  Just because it's not within reach at all times makes it no less real.  Those girls women are five gifts to me.  I cherish their friendship.

I'm not wild about the idea of traveling any time soon.  I need a break.  But I'm really glad I took the time to make that trip.  And even my desire to get home to LA two days earlier than I was supposed to is okay.  Because I realized that although I lately feel like I'm awash in the flood at the end of O Brother Where Art Thou, LA is my home now.  And even though I don't always know what road I'm on or where it leads, there are five ladies all over the country wearing matching shoes, worrying about the same blisters on their feet.

Tearing the World Apart

Let me tell you a little more about the show I'm currently working on.

Tearing the World Apart falls into the categories of experimental, physical, and dance theatre.  It consists of a series of vignettes exploring the title theme.  The vignettes include dance choregraphy, physical interpretation of text, physical improvisation, performance poetry, music and paint.

When I auditioned for this show I knew unfailingly that I had something to offer. I tore my own world apart last year; I've been sharing that journey fairly publicly here, in the hopes that it would resonate with other people, and also as my own method of therapy.  If you come see my show, you can join me and two other performers on the ride.  Heartbreak is definitely one aspect of the theme we explore.  We also explore some of the revolutions and riots of the last year, and the pervasive sense of dissatisfaction that floats around.  And we'll share with you our dreams for the future.  Because if you're going to destroy everything as you know it, hopefully you'll have something in mind to replace it with.