Vacuum My Way Into Adulthood

What's that, oh, you'd like to vacuum? It just so happens I have one!  Yeah!  Good news; I bought a vacuum.  What what!  Something about buying that vacuum really made me feel like an adult.

It's called the Shark, maybe you've heard of it.  It has its own infomercial-pretty fancy.

I haven't figured out how to embed a video, so here's the link:
http://youtu.be/Pl0_hzoxaqM  "Offering 'No loss of suction' technology"

That's right, The Shark: it really sucks.  Better watch out cat hair, cause The Shark is coming to getcha!  da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM (this is meant to signify the theme music from Jaws.  OBVIOUSLY)

I've got to say though, for a vacuum called "The Shark" I was a bit surprised that it only comes in pearl-finished lavendar.  And all that nonsense about turbo-powered pet hair brushes...  Hmmm...  They're really not marketing this vacuum for men, are they?  Or badasses.  Luckily I've got an at-home badass kit to upgrade my vacuum.  Check it out:

BOOM.  Dorsal fin!  This aerodynamic addition to my vacuum increases it's suction power by about 250%.  And it's coolness is now off the charts!  Can your feeble little mind even handle it?  Probably not.  Don't worry, you'll probably understand on your death bed.  Now get ready carpet, your day has come.