Instructions for the care and feeding of ________:

________ needs plenty of sunlight, keeping it in the dark will cause it to mold and possibly die.
________ lives on a diet of laughter, hugs, adventure and sex.
Needless to say, love is essential to a healthy ________.
Empty promises will make ________ sick; disconnection and inattentiveness are poisonous to ________.
________ can be shy, don't be offended if it hides occasionally.
Despite ________'s tough exterior, it is actually rather delicate.  Please handle ________ carefully.
________ needs lots of exercise.  Keeping ________ leashed may cause it to turn on you suddenly.
Be sure to return anything ________ gives you in equal measure, lest it become depleted.
If you don't wish to keep ________, or find yourself unequal to the task of taking care of it, simply let ________ go.